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PREFACE

We'll start with two simple premises: 1) Most people these days feel overwhelmed by life, and 2) this feeling prevents them from making decisions, acting on them, and doing the things necessary to live the lives they want to lead. In short, they feel stuck.

If these premises apply to your life, we are confident we can help you. The combination of principles put forward in this book have proven tremendously effective for people just like you. However—and it is a big however—it's quite possible that the burden of reading an entire book and adopting a series of principles, not to mention thinking about the time and energy required to do these things, will only add to your sense of overwhelm.

So we'd like to suggest the following:

1. You are under no obligation to read this book.

2. Should you decide to read on, you are under no obligation to finish.

3. Should you finish, you are under no obligation to adopt all seven principles we recommend.

These three points are all another way of acknowledging something you have but may feel you've lost: agency. Our mission is to help you find it.

INTRODUCTION

THE AGE OF ANXIETY AND OVERWHELM

Leslie and Josh entered the office and sat down on two chairs placed roughly parallel across from the therapist. They thought they were there to fix their son, who'd recently begun acting out at school.

The therapist began by asking about their daily routine. Leslie launched into a description of that morning. After an hour spent getting ready for her part-time job (which was part-time in name only), she woke up her three boys. Tired and irritable, they resisted, and it took too long to get them all started on their days. Soon, texts from coworkers began flashing on her screen, reviewing the details of an essential meeting that would begin only an hour and a half later—an important customer was threatening to jump ship. She counted on having a half hour that morning to prepare—she'd been too exhausted to do it the night before.

Somehow, as this thought was occurring, her mind had performed the complex calculation of what had to happen and in what order to get everyone fed and out the door so that she could arrive at her meeting a full five minutes early. Lunches had to be made. Book bags, instruments, and homework had to be located and packed up. Breakfast—the most important meal of the day as most guilty parents remind themselves—had deteriorated from fresh fruit and pancakes on Monday to peanut butter smeared on once-fresh bagels later in the week.

Amid all of this, the boys, sensing a vacuum, grabbed a few more minutes of screen time instead of putting on their shoes. Still, as was usually the case, she'd managed to get everyone where they needed to go on time, including herself to work, but never without the sense that the day was on the edge of being a minor disaster before it had even begun.

Recalling these details, Leslie's arms tightened across her chest. Her voice, clipped and fast-paced, now rose, weariness turning to anger as she transitioned to her husband's performance, or lack thereof, on the average morning. She refused to look at him as she described his ability to float above the morning scrum.

Josh, for his part, assumed the alienated grimace of the perennially misunderstood and underappreciated as the room now looked to him. He sighed wearily, defeated, as he began to defend himself. He was overwhelmed, he said, running his business. His workdays started early and ended late, and still he never felt as if he was doing everything he needed to. He was having to travel more than ever to stay connected to his customers—never mind doing the important work of trying to sign on new ones. When he got home, he was spent. It was hard to be present with the kids, and most of his and Leslie's time was taken up by trying to get on top of everything, keeping the house running and getting it set up for yet another day. And each day, every day, it began again.

Leslie and Josh eventually returned to their son's struggles at preschool.

Left hanging in the air, though, was a much bigger problem.